RUINED Summer. (period!)

My first word for this? crap! this is not summer. this is TORTURE! I am nothing but a computer-buddy housemate. Let me tell this everyday routine:

First thing when i wake up, i wash my face, brush teeth, sit and stare blankly, and decide not to eat breakfast(well, I always dont take this meal). After, open up my laptop, switch it on, and get a ride on the internet. Next? same thing until 4am. See the fun in this? well, I can bear with this routine. as long as people here in this raging, empty home does shoot me the things I am certainly innocent or not involved or things that I do not totally care about.(More on this later)

As far as I can remember, the last time I stepped outside of this uh-oh house was March 28. Lemme check that today is April 7. So with these, I am doing the same routine for 10days! imagine? 10days...yes, 10days. and it's slowly eating me up in boredom! argh! you know the reason why? ask my parents. I dont know what's with them that keeps me in here and every time I attempt to utter a word, they stop me with a bang here, boom there, aaa! there, boom here! i really don't know what these things are. All i know is, shit happens.

Sorry with this lousy write up. I'm really not in the mood of putting up an organized blog, a blog that would perfect the previous one. I just want to let this out. You know what Im feeling right this time? I feel like Im the one that does not exist, that wasnt even known, and that's nothing but a handful of air. Im hating everything! Im hating everyone.

As I have said, this is a ruined summer. I was planning to take summer dance class to make use of my time. BUT, i can sense they(parents) are not going to agree. so, i laid back. I was planning to attend a spiritual youth camp, BUT then again, same thing. So, I laid back for the second time, throwing away a great opportunity of self improvement. Another plan of mine was to take a trip to Iloilo. Guess what, no BUTs...they agreed! and it was like, woah... So I got excited, I put my faith on this agreement, planned things with HS buddies...Days passed and it came to a day that would give me one more sleep, then, hello iloilo! I felt uber excited. BUT, with just one bang, it was again "next time na lng"...what?! okay, i never complained. I made, rather, I forced myself to understand things going on, though feeling like crapped up but i never complained. I just kept everything inside me, so that they wont hear a single whisper of anger from me coz I never wanted to add up another problem. I know they're having this busy life and i dont have the right to interrupt at something they're up to. So that was it, i shut up, although i felt they're "always pa-asa",and punished myself. yeah, punished my very own self instead of throwing these at them. BUT, despite all of this respect I was enduring for them, what's with me that they see every little fault in me? hello?! Im not doing anything! Im just here, waiting for something to happen. But im not waiting for that action of blaming me the things I dont even know. I have given laid-backs a lot of times already(the mentioned laid backs above are just some). Isn't it so unfair to catch all of their stress? You know, with this election campaign, or whatever you call this, I know I have contributed efforts. I have dedicated days for posters and sacrificed meals for this just to let others in this raging home know that I am in support. I have done other things, too for this campaign but i wont elaborate it all. You know that feeling of something like, there's a great want that you would like to shout stupid! in front of their faces but then you stop yourself just because of obvious reasons that you cannot? pft. I even got a bang when I asked permission to get my school clearance. What's wrong with that question?! I was just asking.

I hated these actions for a long time already but i just lock these up inside me coz I know the mistake of feeling that way. But this time, this makes me say 'bullshit'. Why possess high temper if things can be done in a calm manner? I'm having this agony of extending patience for a long time yet i think i cant bear this already. I really, really hate this situation, these actions, these people. I really wanted to burst out in front of them and tell them that Im innocent of their accusations and that Im doing everything to make them proud for years already but they weren't doing anything. They make things worse all the time. I dont understand why do they possess this wherein, there's a better way to solve things by not giving in to their temper. yeah, I may sound selfish but i tell you, if you have been feeling this way for years already, with all this pa-asa and blaming accusations, you might also be sitting on my side. Well, lucky are they for I still have this respect for them. I just dont know what will happen if this little patience left exhaust and die...i just dont know.